Kylie Minogue - Your Disco Needs You

Correction. THIS is my theme song this weekend.

Pink - Cuz I Can

My theme song for this weekend. 1hr 38min and counting

Happy Pride

aja_0629_030, originally uploaded by archibald jude.

Hope everyone has a safe and fun weekend.

My plans:

6/28/08 - kick off gay pride with gay dinner and sex (but not in that order)

6/29/08 - drink and go see Wall*E, drinks at my place, The Ritz, drunk

6/30/08- march with volleyball team, dance on the pier, after party

6/31/08 - recover

Two Steps Foward

The Good:

1. I cleaned my desk at work today and removed his picture

2. Cxled my date last night and spent some time just with me (and porn:)

3. Had a good heart to heart with blogger boy

4. Going to see the Waterfalls with my coworkers tonight

The Questionable:

1. Corey and I will be going to the Pier Dance on Sunday

2. I'm double booked for Friday night with the accountant and big d*ck guy (sorry, there's just no other way to describe him)

3. I ran into my old recruiter that got me my current job on line (read: manhunt). He told me that he had a small crush on me when I was with my ex and was wondering if we could get a drink next week. I agreed. He's 6'3 BUT he's 28, so score!

4. I'm going to see Wall*E with my movie club friend, which means my ex and his current bf will be there. Most likely all over each other again.

Where the Hell is Matt? (2008)

How can u NOT smile after seeing this.

White Water Rafting

P6210019, originally uploaded by BillyNYC.

Its was amazing. We met these awesome girls and later ended up having drinks with them at Crispian's place, smelling like river water and all!

Our raft was at the front of the line and we only lost one of our mate (Brian, the muscle) on the last rapid.

So fun, So relaxing. I totally recommend it but maybe just go with a smaller group next time. Since we were at the front of the line we ended up waiting for others to catch up. Why? Because we rock!

Degan

IMG_0388, originally uploaded by lizhawk2005.

I'm his great uncle. Wow, I'm old.

The Gym

My workout partner had jury duty this morning so I was left to workout alone. I was on the preacher curl and he walked by. We began our eye dance yet again, it happens every time we see each other. Its been going on for months. It even has gotten to the point where we actually smile and nod at each other. After my workout was done, I hit the lockers to shower and steam. I'd lost track of him during my sets and figured he had already left. Oh well. Next time. Finish showering and enter the steam room to chill and relax. My eyes zeroed in on this muscular figured through the steam and I knew it was him. We were the only two in the room and after several mins of silence, I grew some balls and the following convo ensued:

Bill [reaches out and touches Hot Gym Guy's shoulder] : hey, whats your name?
HGG [turns head, flashes smile and extends hand]: hey, I'm John.
Bill: I'm Bill. I see you here all the time. Nice haircut
HGG [smiles, laughs, brushes hand over buzzed head]: Thanks. Its the summer time so it easier to take care of.
Bill [smiles, laughs, brushes hand over buzzed head]: Yeah. So you come here alot. I think I've even seen u at 50th.
HGG: Yeah. Keeps it interesting. What about u, where else do u go?
Bill: Here, Soho, Greenwich
HGG: Greenwich is so crowded. I hate it
Bill: Yeah, I usually only take a class there on friday. Wow, its hot in here. Think I'm going to hit the showers. Nice meeting u
HGG: [flash smile and amazing eyes]: Yeah. u too.


Now the ideal thing for me to have said would have been-

Bill: Cool. So we should hang out sometime.

Or

Bill: Cool. So we should take this class together at Greenwich on Friday. Mark is an amazing instructor and he'll kick your ass.


But what did I do? I walked out because I was hot. Ugh. We saw each other one more time but I was still to chicken shit to talk. I just smiled and nodded. But oh well, at least I know his name. Maybe next time, I'll actually ask him out. Patience.

One day

I will be able to listen to Mariah Carey's "Always Be My Baby" and not feel my chest tighten and eyes water up. I'm shamed to admit it because its a retarded song but the lyrics get me every time.

Have date #2 with my Ex From Fire Island tonight. We are going to see South Pacific. It won lots of Tonys so should be good. Then dinner at some little restaurant that only industry people know about. He's always good about making our dates an event. I just hope I'm dressed for it. The reason we didn't work out before is because of the 19 yr age difference. I always felt like people looked at us and thought I was either his son or an escort. Maybe I'll can make some cash tonight!

I'm not sure where I'm going with anyone I'm dating right now. I have an awesome story about this guy where we tried on singlets together. But since I'm taking my coworkers advise and not sharing to much I'll just say - strange and oddly erotic.

Guess I'm just riding the wave. Not sure what shore I'll wash up on but so not ready to get out of the water.

VGL Gay Boys on Gay Marriage!

Therapy Over IM

me: yeah, i'm going to try

going on a date with my old ex

seeing south pacific tomorrow

Jackie: WHY?

can you just be single?!

you're afraid of it aren't you

i think that's the real issue here

me: oh god, what are u my theraphist

Jackie: no, the voice of reason

me: lol

but its just more fun to date

then be alone

besides, he knows whats up

Jackie: but again

you're using men as your band-aid

me: oh god, so what do I use?

Jackie: your internal strength

friends

family

me: my family is a buzillion miles away and I only have 2 friends

Jackie: shutup

no you don't

What would happen if we kissed

For you.

Never, ever go to Queens. Never.

I had my first date with manhunt guy (dont judgeTM). It began with him on the phone to one of his assistants. We had to walk from union square to 24th and 7th so he could meet with one of them to exchange keys. We waited for 30mins. Oh and it was via the walk that I discovered he had 2 titanium hips. I would think that would be cool, except for the cane. We made it to Barracuda for a couple of drinks, where I started to forgive him for making me look like a homeless person.

Then we go to dinner at this cute little thai restaurant because he knows the owner. Not five mins after we sit down, his ex walks through the door and SITS DOWN AT OUR TABLE. To say it was awkward would be an understatement. Lucky, because he knew the owner, the Lychee martinis (vodka and sake) were flowing freely. After five, I was toast. I ended up in a cab with the ex, the owner and him on my way to his house in queens. We drop the two of them off (thank god) at a gay club called Atlantis . Who knew there were gay clubs outside Manhattan.

A $45 cab ride later, we arrive at his place. I practically trip over his roomie (also an ex) who is passed out on the living room floor. Why? Because its a one bedroom and "thats were he sleeps". And the apt reminds me of a grandmothers. Lots of porcelain vases, throw pillows, chachki stuff in every room, a glass cabinet filled with dressed up dolls and track lighting. Grandma. Oh and cats. One with cancer. We start to make out and I'm worried I'm going to snap one of his hips.

Fast forward to the morning (I'm not one to kiss and blog. read: Hi mom!). I wake up with a huge hangover, stumble into the kitchen and see him buck-ass naked with just a cock ring on. My eyes are screaming, thats just to much flesh and plastic for the morning. He makes naked coffee and we make awkward chit chat (I totally know what blogger boy was feeling now). Then out of nowhere a piercing scream explodes in my head - awesome for the hangover. His cat with cancer has tried to claw her way up his naked leg, causing scratch marks and blood. Thats was my cue to leave. now. right now. I bolt for my shirt, covered in cat hair, and grab my bag. Give a quick kiss and a small, "uh-huh" when he says he wants to see me again.

Wondering in jackson heights, asking people were the 7 train is. Ain't dating fun?

Just Because I Like To Brag!

I play football with my coworkers very Tuesday. A coworker does a weekly breakdown and MVP each week on our intranet at work.

Posted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:49 am Post subject:
Week 8 Accolades Play of the week: I didn't see this at all because I had my back turned, but all I heard was "ooooohhh" and then the game stopped. I turn around and there's Bill "Toughest WGEN Football Player Ever" Siegfried standing there bleeding out of his mouth like a vampire that just ravaged a small village of women and children. Pretty cool. Anyway, he took one play off to enjoy some sun and came back to finish the game. _________________

Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2008 2:48 pm Post subject:
Week 10 Accolades

MVP: This goes out to Bill "Can't Stop Won't Stop" Siegfried for his very impressive offensive performance. Especially considering almost all of WGEN's best talent was on the field that day, Bill trumps them all catching touchdown after touchdown over a normally good defender in Matt "I can't believe he got another one" Van Buren.
-------------------------

I'm so butch its painful!!

This is why I love Clare

DSC07764, originally uploaded by BillyNYC.

Sent as a response when I was feeling a bit low about my break up

"I had a dream once that found me hauling big jugs of wine around wherever I went. They represented the joys of the past. My message was to put down the memories as they were weighing me down. I did try to do that and it really helped. I hope God sends you some helping dreams, too. If not that, I hope you can ease yourself into the future by just knowing that there is plenty of joy yet to have in life. Rainbows only follow storms.

I find the most joy comes from finding what love really is. When you are young, hormones get all in the way! They are brutal! But as you get balanced with the pursuit of real love - giving without expecting anything in return - joy just takes over practically out of the blue. I'm not saying you will be over this soon - I'm just saying that love has a way of taking it's time. Love is never in a hurry. It blossoms like the trees, just when it should. Otherwise it might get frosted out or overheated. Take a deep breath and keep faith.

I miss you - when I get to NY we are doing lunch! (No plans yet - but will let you know.)
Lv
Clare "

Rainbows do indeed follow the storm. Question is, how long to i need an umbrella?

Stimulus

I got my check from the government yesterday. Right brain - pay down debt. Left brian - go to the pier dance. I'll be on the volleyball float this year with my roommate, so that might be enough pride for me.

In other stimulus news, I have a first date tonight. Its with manhunt guy (dont judge). We've been flirting back and forth online and finally talked on the phone for 2 hours last night. He's hot, funny and has a RA-chest-a accent. He's 40ish (read: 46) I have very low expectation about anyone I meet on-line but hell I'm up for drinks and a movie anytime.

All this dating has encouraged me to create a website called: www.thethirddate.com (catchy title huh?!). It would be a web site that gives people an idea for what to do after the dinner on the first date and the movie on the second. I see great potential, now I just need to figure out a business plan. Stimulus indeed.

Distraction

I dont know whats up with me lately. Its like the more time I'm single the more I'm trying to distract myself with dating more boys/men. Current run down:

• twink boy
• accountant
• yoga guy
• manhunt guy
• my ex from fire island
• eagle guy
• my ex from austin
• blogger boy

Wonder what it would be like to listen to my friends that say dating right now is a really bad idea. Ugh. Then i'd actually have to deal with who I am as a single person and figure out that burning question mark. Oh, well, guess I'll just keep running.

My New Favorite Album

Her new album, Flavors of Entanglement, is all about her break up from Ryan Reynolds. If pain makes great art, then it's a fucking Picasso

Fav Song- Torch

I miss your smell and your style and your pure abiding way
miss your approach to life and your body in my bed

These are not times for the weak of heart
These are the days of raw despondence

miss you walking through the front door

One step one prayer I soldier on, simulating moving on

Its amazing how music can be so universal when dealing with love and loss

On my walk into work, this song caught me off guard...

"Sober" - Kelly Clarkson

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

And I don't know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me
So I won't worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

Three months and I'm still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It's never really over, no

Wake up

Three months and I'm still standing here
Three months and I'm getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it's still harder now
Three months I've been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months

Three months and I'm still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I'm still sober

Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

I realized today its been 2 months, 16 days. I'm still breathing...somehow.

Corey Being Corey

One of the many reasons why I love this guy.

Summer Time

Buzz1, originally uploaded by BillyNYC.

Time for the haircut.

A Statement

Buzz2, originally uploaded by BillyNYC.

But of what? Every time I try to go for the sexy rough trade look, I always come up looking bored, tried or sleepy. I MUST work on this.

Kylie Minogue - In My Arms

I'm not sure how it should feel but I can only tell u how it does feel. wait..thats not your arm?!

Its raining and Saturday night in NYC, I need a date ASAP. No more drunk wine parties with myself

Working on the weekend

Pretty much sucks ass.

Open Bar Bad

2 rum and cokes
2 Blue Moons
1 peach vodka - straight up
2 long islands
1 vodka cranberry
1 shirtless night at Splash
=
text [Corey]: 1:10AM - For whenever youre sober...that was pretty shitty
text [unknown]: 3:16AM - Is it bad that im kinda obsessing about u? I
text [Jackie]: 7:43AM - Nice voice mails fools! Love ya mean it!

***
I'd say I'm handling the breakup well, wouldn't u?

Buzzed Head + Strong Jaw Lines = My Furture Ex BF

Jay Brannan

Insanity

The definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different outcome. ~ Ben Franklin

I broke down (again) an texted yoga boy but he said he's hanging out with his girlfriend. Boys suck. Going to open bar doesn't.

Broken Foot

I'm not sure how I did it but at last nights Kickball game I strained a muscle on the top part of my right foot. I've been hopping around all morning and had to walk/hop down 9 flights of stairs because of a crazy fire alarm.

I'm looking forward to doing nothing tonight. I've somehow turned into a jock this week. With football & volleyball on tuesday, kickball on wednesday and gym or yoga everyday this week. Tonight is all about me, unless yoga boy calls and we "watch at movie" at my place. Ain't running from the pain fun (or hopping in my case)!?

Shamless Promo: Download these songs on itunes from artist Jillian Lubow - "Infatuated Girl" and "My Little Secret". I want her to become a big star so I can manage her career and make lots of money off her.

Waaaahhh!

Had a date last night. We saw this musical which is based on the movie. It wasn't the best but I did get alittle teary eyed at the end. It deals with faith and what it means. Didn't get to bed until 2am (its was a good date :) and today I find out I have a kickball game this evening, first of the season. All I want to do is sleep and chill tonight. Ugh. Life is so hard. Those people in Darfur have nothing on me.

Gotham Volleyball

I made the team. My team is in the lower devision, so hopfully I'll get my skills down and then can move up ( I know nothing about v-ball). Apparently Gotham takes V-ball very seriously. Tried out last night, waited for 3 hours in a hot smelly gym in Chelsea. I was the last group to go. There were about 200 guys who tried out and only 140 made it. Here's to hoping my teammates are all hot. :)

Lady GaGa - Just Dance

Been there, done that.

Link: Click Here

In Case you've been away..

A Very Cool Housewarming

DSC09080, originally uploaded by BillyNYC.

Part of me didn't want to have a housewarming. Having broken up from my bf of 5 years, it has hardly felt like there is much to celebrate. But I can not thank my new roommate enough for pulling this together. From the evite to the food to all his very cool friends - it was a blast. And a huge thank you to all of my friends and coworkers who came out to support me on this new adventure. Some shout outs-

Fran - I was crazy playing the part of hostess. Your friend was so cute. Please throw a party soon so I can work up the courage to ask for his number.

Jane - thank you for the tumblers and wine glasses. Your shrimp were soo good! You looked amazingly hot saturday night and even more amazing in your tranny hooker outfit the next morning.

Phil - I'm sorry our time was so short together. I'll come visit CT soon.

Crispin/Brian - Thank you for the wine glasses. I'm thinking of you right now. I also have your shirts

Tyler - your mojitos were amazing!

Tanino - movie night soon. We need a name for our movie group.

Mel/Stacey - my solo straight friends who braved the hood. I'm sure u love NYC even more now.

Charlie - You may have stole my best friends from me. Careful they are a handful (see pic above). Thank you for the serving dish and that amazing pot. I'm sure Wynn (since I dont cook) will make some awesome food in it.

GR - you made it to this housewarming on time. Good show!

Wynn- two words: you rock period (well maybe three)

Hands down best memory - waking up spooning my two best friend in my very small bed. You guys make it all worth it.

[In Corey voice]: love ya, mean it.

The Process

I haven't been able to write about my breakup here. Mostly because its a extremely personal and writing about it makes it a reality. But in any regard, here I am. I was inspired by a blogger graphic. glory post of his recent breakup.

What I've done:
living in my new place for about a month now.
went on a 4th date with an accountant
reconnecting with my friend corey
went to fire island and the Eagle
unsubscribed to his blog
put his book away
go to the gym sometime twice a day
tell myself it was for the best
have conversations with God

What I cant bring myself to do:
Take the pictures out of the frames
Not have plans in the evening
think of him with that other guy
Remove the picture of him from my desk
Go on a 5th date with the accountant
Not drink

BANNED Adam and Eve, the gay version

Perpetuating a stereotype or just plain funny. Discuss...

SHELTER

I saw this movie last night with a couple of friends. Hands down the best gay romantic movie to date. From the production value to the acting and writing. These characters and story line were developed with warmth and compassion gay movies so desperately need. Rent on netflicks or blockbuster.com.

Warning: if your recently single make sure to have lots of tissue and good friends to hug afterwards.

PussyCat Dolls When I Grow Up [HQ LIVE MTV Movie Awards]

I want Boobies. I think we have the summer song of 2008

G't to me